In Turkey - Türkiye'de
![]() In Turkey - Türkiye'de
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Traditional Turkish Humor 1 |
What makes Turks Laugh? |
Featuring: Nasrettin (Nasreddin) Hoca
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The purely fictional Temel comes from the Laz Black Sea coastal region of Turkey and brings with him an endless stream of none-too-subtle, often Off color gags. No one ever accused Temel of being too smart -- he could have been the model for the film "Dumb and Dumber" -- and he (along his wife, family, and friends) is cast in obvious contrast to the more dignified Nasreddin Hoca. |
The Literal Turkish...Note: The '[ ]' marks below refer to the 'unspoken, assumed' meaning of the sentence."Ah my darling Fadime, drink makes you so beautiful," said Temel.
Temel sarhoş olunca... "Ah sevgilim Fadime, içmek seni cok guzellestiriyor," dedi Temel. "Ama ben birsey içmedim ki," diye cevapladı karısı. "Evet, ama ben yaptim [içtim]," diye salyasını akıttı [Temel].For Daily Speech...
Temel sarhoş olunca... Temel evde Fadime'ye, "Ah sevgilim, içince cok guzel oluyorsun" demiş... Bunu duyan karısı, "a-a! Ben birsey içmedim ki" deyince, Temel, "Evet, ama ben içtim," demez mi!Courtesy of FU (5/97)...
The Literal Turkish...Temel King Kong palavralarını düzeltiyor... Temel, bir Fransız, bir de Amerikalı ile içme yarısına girmişti. Üç adam da kafayı bulunca, önce Fransız olan, Fransız King Kong'un boyu ile ilgili palavra sallamaya baslayarak, "Ah, Monser!" diye sulu sulu mırıldandı, "Görseniz! Bir ayağı Paris'te iken, digeri Nice'e uzanır... Tam bir Fransız abidesi!" "Orada kal, amator" deyiverdi Amerikalı, küstahca, "o cüce, bizimkinin eline şu dokemez! Bizim King Kong, bir ayağını New York'a basar, digerini Buenos Aires'e uzatır; elleri ile de tüm Kainata erisir!!!" Içki masası arkadaslarını dinleyen; asırı rakıdan kipkirmizi kesilmiş Temel, kan çanağı gibi gözlerle, kendi yorumunu ekleyerek, "Sevgili Amerikalı dostum... Sizin King Kong'un eristiği, 'Kainat' falan degildi," diye mırıldandı ve konuyu kapattı, "o sadece BİZİM King Kong'un sağ testisiydi!"Temel joins in a drinking bout with a Frenchman and an American. When the trio is veryCourtesy of FU (5/97)...
"Ahh, mon cher," he wheezes greasily, "If you could only see him! Why, with one step he is in Paris -- and with the next he's in Nice. A real French Colossus!"
"Hold on there, Sidewinder," the American blurts obnoxiously, "That dwarf can't hold a candle to ours! Why our King Kong can put one foot in New York, one foot in Buenos Aires -- and with one of his free hands, he can reach up and grasp the Universe!!!"
Temel is bloodshot and bleary-eyed from far too much Rakı, but he still manages to regard his drinking companions -- and add his own comment, "My dear American friend...That is not the Universe that your King Kong grasps," he coos. "That is the left testicle of OUR King Kong!" he closes.
The Simplified Turkish...Temel gece yarısı doktoru telefonla arayıp, "Doktor doktor, çabuk gel! Bebeğimiz prezervatifimizi yuttu." Doktor, "Hemen geliyorum," der. Biraz sonra doktorun telefonu tekrar çalar. Bu sefer Temel, "Doktora doktor gelmene gerek kalmadı. Ikince prezervatifi bulduk," der.
In a state of high anxiety, Temel telephones the doctor. He can hardly get the words out, "Doctor, doctor...Our baby just swallowed a condom! Come quickly!"
The doctor drops everything and hurriedly readies his instrument case. As he starts running out the door, the phone rings again. Once more it's Temel, but his voice is relaxed and cheerful as he says, "You can take it easy doctor. All's well. You won't have to come. We found another one!"
The Turkish...Bir gün Temel, bir İngiliz ve bir Fransız ile bir tren yolculuğuna çıkmış. Oğlen vakti hepsi çantalarından sandviçlerini cıkarmışlar. İngiliz, "benim karım, sandviçimi her zaman özel İngiliz peyniri ile yapar; başka peynir varsa, ben kendimi trenin camından atarım" demiş. Sandviçi bir açmış, içinde Hollanda peyniri var. Kendini camdan dışarı atmış. Biraz sonra Fransız acıkmış. O da, aynı şekilde, "benim karım hayatta rokfordan baska peynir koymaz, koyduysa ben de kendimi atarım" demiş. Sandviçi bir açmıs ki ne görsun, tuzsuz köy peyniri! O da atmış tabii kendini. Derken sira Temel'e gelmiş. Temel de kendi kendine "bu geri zekalılar da karılarını hic tanımıyorlarmış. Bizim Fadime hayatta beyaz peynirden baska peynir koymaz. Eğer koymuşsa ben de kendimi atarım" demiş. Ve sandviçi açar açmaz ne görsün: kaşar peynirli! Atmış tabii kendini. Kocalarının ölümünden dolayı köyde büyük yas tutan kadınlar, sürekli ağlayıp dövünmeye başlamışlar Yalnız içlerinden Fadime, ööle durup, kıs kıs gülüyormuş. Millet yanına gelmiş, "yahu Fadime, sen deli misin, kocan öldü sen gülüyorsun" demişler. Fadime cevap vermiş: "Üzgün olmasına üzgünüm tabii ama, bizimki biraz pisi pisine gitti....Temel sandviçlerini hep kendisi hazırlardı..."
One day Temel, an Englishman, and a Frenchman take off on a train journey. And when lunch time rolls around, they all pull out their sandwich bags.
The Englishmen is first to speak. "My wife always puts a very special English cheese in my sandwiches. If this sandwich has any other cheese, I'll throw myself out the window of this speeding train..." he says. With that he opens his sandwich and finds it heaped with very special cheese -- from Holland. And he throws himself out the window of the train to his death.
A little later, the Frenchman gets hungry. And, in the same manner as the Englishman, he says, "In my whole life, my wife never puts anything but Roquefort cheese on my sandwiches. If she put something else on this one, I'll also throw myself out the window." So he opens his sandwich and what does he see...? It's filled with saltless village cheese! And, of course, he too throws himself out the window of the speeding train -- with the same result as the Englishman.
And then it's Temel's turn. And he says to himself, "These mental retards don't know their wives at all. My Fadime, in her whole life, never uses anything but good old Turkish White Cheese on sandwiches. If she did otherwise on this one, I too will throw myself out the window." And when he opens his sandwich? Yup, it's filled with Turkish Kaşar Cheese! And yes...he throws himself out the window to his death -- like the others.
In the village, due to the death of the husbands, all the women set to mourning -- with continuous crying and beating of chests.
All except Fadime, that is... who stands off, and laughs silently to herself.
When the crowd see this, they all gather round and one of them says, "Hey, Fadime, have you gone crazy? Your husband is dead, and you stand there laughing...?"
Fadime manages to pull herself together for a moment to answer, "Oh, I'm unhappy, of course...Our men died in a rather bad way...It's just that...Well, Temel always made his own sandwiches..."
The Simplified Turkish... Temel ile Idris tarlada calısırlarken yanlarından gecen bir araba az ilerde bozulmuş. Içinden fıstık gibi bir hatun çıkmış. Temel ve Idris'ten yardım istemiş. Bizimkiler, "Tamam," demisler, "yalnız bize vereceksin." Kadin bakmış başka yol yok, "Olur," demis, "fakat şu prezarvatifleri takın da hamile kalmayayım." Neyse olanlar olmuş, aradan bir hafta gecmiş. Temel ile Idris gene tarlada calışırlarken, Temel Idris'e donmus ve demis ki: "Ula, Idrus. Bu karıya ne olursa olsun ben dayanamiyorum, artık çıkartacağım bu prezarvatifi!"Courtesy of NSK (4/97)...
One day, when Temel and his pal Idris are working the fields, a passing car breaks down -- just a short distance down the road from them. And as they watch in dumbstruck awe, an extremely fine-looking babe pops out of the car to have a look under the hood. But she quickly dispairs, and when she sees our two guys, she turns on a sexy look and slinks over to where they are standing. "How about a little help, boys...?" she purrs...
They can't believe their luck..."Well, sure. We'll be glad to help," they reply in unison.
"But we'll want a little something in return, if you know what I mean," Temel adds, slobbering his chin.
Seeing that she hasn't much choice, the babe says, "Well, OK...but you'll have to keep this condom on -- because I definitely don't want to get pregnant."
The guys agree without hesitation, and so, by turns, they have their way with her -- with Temel finishing last. Afterwards, they fix her car -- so that all parties are satisfied with the bargain -- and the babe powers off in her rejuvenated auto.
The guys return to work, resuming their uneventful daily lives -- as if nothing has happened, except that...Temel gets increasingly agitated with each passing day.
Finally after a week has passed, Temel's bubble bursts. All of a sudden... he grabs up his scythe, breaks it in two, flings it to the ground, and turns furiously to his pal Idris, again.
"Arghhh, Idroo...That's it. I've had it! I can't take it anymore," he shouts. "I don't give a damn if that bloody woman does get pregnant, I'm taking off this freakin' condom, Right NOW!" And he drops his drawers and finally does just that...
The Turkish...Temel Lokantacı (Resturant Sahibi)...A man comes into Temel's Restaurant. He orders a steak dinner, eats it, and finishes off his wine. With that he turns angrily to Temel and says, "That meal was terrible. I want to speak to the restaurant owner immediately. Where is he?" Cringing in fear, Temel squeaks out, "He's at the restaurant next store -- having his dinner..."
Adamın biri Temel'in resturantına gelir ve bir et yemeği ısmarlar. Yemeğini yer ve şarap ile de bitirir. Daha sonra sinirli bir sekilde Temel'e doner ve "Bu et cok kötü idi; Resturantın sahibi ile hemen görüşmek istiyorum. Nerede kendisi?" der. Bunun üzerine iyice korkan Temel de: "Yandaki resturantta akşam yemeğini yiyor," der.Courtesy of OE (6/97)...
The Simplified Turkish... Temel çok içki içiyor. Içkinin zararını göstermek için viskinin içine solucan atıyorlar, solucan ölüyor. "Bak Temel, buna ne dersin?" Diyenlere, "Vucudunda kurt varsa viski içmelisin," diyor.Temel is drinking too much. To show him the harm, his friends throw a worm into his glass of whiskey. When the worm dies, one of his friends says, "Look Temel, what can you learn from that?"
© Learn Turkish of the People! -- Traditional comedy, humor, jokes and funnies from Turkey