What Merry Turkish Widows Want Conclusion -- A Lovelorn Sweet Mahir worries, 'Did She Only Use Me For Sex?' and gets a dose of some bitter-sweet truth from Turkey's Dear Abby... Sweet Mahir picks up where he left off in Part 1 of 'What Merry Turkish Widows Want'... My parents would have disapproved of my behavior, they're very conservative and don't believe in pre-marital sex. But I was past thinking about them in my current state of excitement. When she greeted me at the door with a smile, I was overjoyed. Her youngest daughter was already in bed asleep but I met and chatted briefly with her other daughter (a well-spoken and attractive young 14-year-old) before she too went to bed. Afterwards, my 30-something widow and I sat for 2-3 hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. Finally, I stretched out on the couch and beckoned, "Come next to me." At first she acted coy...but when she finally came to me, we made passionate love. It was unbelievably sensual. The texture and flavor of her skin were magnificent. She smelled of roses and I became intoxicated with her aroma and her taste. It was a night I'll always remember. I was hooked. But, after that unforgettable night, she started to become vaguely distant with me. Whenever I'd press her for a repeat performance, she'd say, "I don't want to tie you down, and I don't want to be tied down either." I know that her marriage wasn't that great -- apart from that I don't know much about her past. I wonder... psychologically speaking, what do widows feel about new physical relationships or the prospects of re-marriage? She's completely severed our relationship now -- and I'm only half alive. I've been depressed for a week, in a really bad mental state of mind. I've missed some work and although I never used to drink alcohol before, I've started drinking. All I do is mope around my apartment listening to romantic music. Why has she dropped me? What did I do wrong? I'm going crazy. I've even contemplated suicide. I wonder if she only used me for the sex. Or was she afraid that I might eventually desert her? Why has this happened to me? What can I do? What does a widow want? Please tell me. Güzin Abla's answer: My dear boy, Trying to find out what widows 'in general' want is probably not the right approach. Not all widows are alike -- just as married and single women are also not the same. What makes one woman happy may annoy another woman and make another one sad -- regardless of their individual marital statuses. The key to the reason why this widow dropped you will be found in the way you acted with her -- and in how she believed you'd act with her in future. Maybe she enjoyed those first cheeky Internet contacts with you, and the lengthy meaningful telephone conversations. Later, when she met you face to face, she may have had second thoughts, may have wanted to distance herself. But because of your obvious (and very flattering) interest in her, she let things slide for a while, enjoying the attention. The lovemaking, however pleasurable it may have been for you (or for both of you), probably woke her up to reality -- the reality that the relationship with you had no where else to go. After all, she's got two children to raise -- and, though she allowed herself some personal pleasure with you, it sounds as if she's got a mature sense of the real world we live in. Which ought to be instructive for you. So instead of thinking suicide, pull yourself together -- and listen again to the words she said. When you do, you'll understand that she was bidding you fond farewell in the kindest, gentlest, most diplomatic way she could.